Now Now Children
Tagged as: Aug 06First off: I don’t have kids, so perhaps this post is colored a bit differently than if I did.
Now that I’ve said that, I have some thoughts on kids. For quite some time I have thought that they (along with elderly) are absolutely hilarious. They have no qualms about acting in whatever manner they want because they just don’t care what others think about them. And I really like that because they’re being real to themselves. They’ll do socially unacceptable things, they’ll say things that others would be scared to say. They’ll let loose a fart in public that’s loud and smelly, they’ll criticize someone for the way that they’re dressed, and so on and so forth. That’s funny to me.
However, just the other day I went to the San Diego Zoo and saw some children that caused me to realize that this let loose, carefree attitude was also good to see things that were more important than humor. It allowed me to see what kind of people they really were. As children, it allowed me to see how they were being raised.
Children are a product of parenting, that is obvious. They are raw and they don’t know about society when they come out of the womb. They must be taught about it, molded into a shape that is acceptable. Sometimes parents are not good. Okay, I’m sure that very often parents are not good. They mess kids up and we get a world full of bitter, messed up kids in need of some psychoanalysis, a hug, and perhaps some discipline. And thus, here is how to go the Wrong Way in raising a child (based very briefly on a some observations throughout a day):
- First off, don’t worry about ethnicity. You can raise a horrible child no matter your skin tone or where on earth you are from. It’s possible, you can do it so go ahead and try.
- (For the white kid) Let your kid do whatever he wants. Sure he needs some discipline. Sure he needs to listen to the rules of the bus to not stand on the seat, but he really just wants to see everything. So it’s okay, when you want him to sit down for his own good and he pushes away your hands, be gentle and loving. When he turns around and smacks you across the face, say “that’s okay.” When your mother (his grandmother) wants to discipline him, just tell her to back off because she’s antagonizing him and that’s causing a ruckus. Relax, your kid is going to turn out just fine.
- (For the black kid) You need to allow them to do whatever they want. If they see a toy, they’ll think it’s like the ones that they have at home. Oh you let them break them at home? Oh sure, then you should just let them try to break them everywhere else also. Then you realize that’s not okay in public and you tell them otherwise. Good good, mixed signals to a child will definitely help them to learn.
- (For the Hispanic kid) It’s a good idea to just clean up after your kid. Make sure that he lives in a clean house, but do not ever think to force him to clean up after himself. He’ll always have you around to clean up after him, anyways. So that’s perfect, because when he is messing around by himself at say the zoo, then he’ll expect it to be the same as at home. He’ll take his juice wrapper, throw it on the ground, kick it around, and ultimately pick it up and throw it at an animal cage when you’re not watching. He will litter and run away as if that were perfectly normal. The trash can right near him? He doesn’t even know what that is because you’ve always just done everything for him. Ah there, you have raised a polite and reasonable child. Good job!
- (For the Asian kid) When you want your way, talk really loud. Do that at home with your family, too. Other people will only know that you want something when you’re loudly vocal about it. She’ll learn the same. So when you’re walking around, she’s wailing in a monstrously loud fashion about her desires because that’s how she knows to tell you something. And inconveniently you’re not going to want to abide right then. So just keep on going let her continue her wailing. She’ll think that the louder she gets, the more likely she’ll get it. Don’t instruct her otherwise. Very likely it’s true that she can be very loud, and you’re going to give in to her later on. She’ll learn eventually that she can’t always get her way. Someone else will teach her. She’ll learn eventually that she can’t scream as loud as she possibly can in public for prolonged periods of time. She’ll learn that your silence is actually your love, caring, and devotion to her. She’ll learn all of that, I’m positive about that!
Children are an amazing thing. But they’re not going to be perfect and cute all of the time. One needs to have a little bit of planning, knowledge, and purpose in order to raise them. After seeing how horribly others can do, I think that I’d be a little bit more scared to raise one on my own. Very, very scared.
Darkly humored indeed. Interesting to break down the Wrong Way to parent by culture/race. Of course I understand #5 - “She’ll learn that your silence is actually your love, caring, and devotion to her. She’ll learn all of that, I’m positive about that!”
I was raised a bit “old school Chinese” in that “Excellence in expected” so you won’t get any recognition for that. Or not much. However, do anything “unexpected” and that will quickly be pointed out.
You had quite the day at the Zoo and you weren’t even watching the animals!
@Ms. Q
Yeah I’ll admit that this was a bit more negatively sarcastic than other posts of the same vein. But it all happened, and I’m not making any of it up.
I think that it’s definitely tough raising kids as well as growing up with imperfect parents (as pretty much all of us do). There’s not really an answer, but there is a lot that we can do to minimize the pain, hurt, and long term effects.
When I was writing this post, I didn’t even realize that the part about the Asian was even so applicable to all Asians! Thanks for pointing that out, and even though I didn’t grow up likewise I understand how it works from seeing other people grow up like that.
Well the animals at the zoo were interesting, but those kids sure were, too!
LOL. I too was a little intrigued by you breaking this down by ethnicity. Your post is “colored?” Was that a play on words? It’s probably not that simple, I think that several of your break downs of the way we raise kids cross color lines. And scared? Yes, you should be very scared. Unfortunately, kids don’t come with instruction manuals, and there are many ways to screw them up.
@This Eclectic Life
Hm well I didn’t intend to mean “colored” as a play on words, but it’s always fun to see what I said from someone else’s perspective! I must say, that’s quite attentive of you.
In any case it’s kind of interesting that the comments on this have to do with my use of the kids’ ethnicities because I had no intention of making it about that. I simply wanted to make it about how I saw a whole bunch of crazy kids! I saw these different kids behaving in such a way, and then I wrote a post about it according to what I was thinking as I saw it. So in that respect, I definitely think that the points span ethnicities.
And thanks for your words of encouragement about kids not having instruction manuals. I guess that’s partly why it’s so rewarding to have kids: it’s so difficult to do it! Things that are extremely difficult to do seem to be the most rewarding, and raising kids is getting higher and higher as I get older.
I wouldn’t take for raising mine, Derek, but let me tell you that in the world of parenting, you don’t get “do-overs.” It’s not easy to be on your toes about the things you should do as a parent, because you are also a human! It’s hard even at my age to look back at my parents and realize that they were human beings just like me. You’ll do fine as a parent someday. All you can do is the best you know how to do, and hope that you raise them “right.”
Hi Derek! I am here to pay you a return visit. An interesting log you have here. The name alone is a great find, but I guess that’s what you hear moreoften
Some interesting observations about children you made, not having any of your own. Believe me, if you ever have kids of your own, you will find there is a 50% chance YOU change as well, into a parent that all of a sudden doesn’t see anymore what you ARE seeing now, and there is a 50% chance that it even gets worse
So: no worries for now. Take Care! ;))
@This Eclectic Life
Your words are definitely true. Well at least it seems so from where I’m sitting! Thanks for your reassurance that I’ll do okay somday.
@Jos
Thanks for visiting and commenting Jos! It’s true that people have found the name of my blog very amusing. I also think that it’s pretty funny. It’s also fairly descriptive of what I like to write about.
You raise a good point about being changed yourself once you have kids. Are you speaking from first hand experience?
Hi Derek.
Well, to be honest, now that I have children of my own(they’re already 16 and 13 yrs old now), I have to admit that one does seem to change a lot, and not bother so much anymore about things that seemed annoying when without children. On the other hand, with children of your own, you just start being bothered about a whole bunch of other things
And yes, I agree with your observations, some parents just don’t seem to be bothered about anything
@Jos
I’m sure your words are true and will ring much truer to those that have gone through the same thing. I’m sure that nothing could substitute for the experience.
Since you agree with my observations about parents, what do you think should be done about them? Personally I think that it’s a fair amount of fault upon them for how their child grows up. Children obviously become adults themselves, but I still think that parents should bear their fair share of the blame.