Group Friendship
Tagged as: May 15When I think of friendship, I initially think of a relationship between one person and another. They can be all sorts of combination of guys and girls (okay so really there are only 4 combinations if there are 2 people involved). But have you noticed how different everything is when a group is involved?
Imagine, if you will, going into a situation where you’re trying to get in with a whole group of people. Individually you are able to interact pretty well with them. Conversation is pretty easy, common ground is found, life is good.
But as a whole when you’re with them things are not well. You are left standing there thinking, “What am I doing here?” You don’t follow their inside jokes. And you definitely haven’t known them for as long as they have known each other.
Why the difference? It seems strange to me to be able to be friends with them individually but have trouble with them when they are all a group. But it happens. Related to mob mentality? Who knows, you got me.
DUDE, I TOTALLY KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN!!! …and i’m equally dumbfounded… but let me sleep on it now that i know i’m not the only one in the world who gets that, haha.
Well I’m glad that I’m not the only one either. I didn’t particularly think that I was the only one, but who ever knows when you are. If you ever solve the problem, let me know!
inside jokes suck. next time i’m hanging out with your friends, tell me all the inside jokes you guys are laughing at.
that is if i ever hang out with you and your friends. haha
For sure. But really I must say that I remember when I first started hanging out with you and your friends at good old Wintersburg college group. And I felt that you guys were pretty good at making people feel welcome. Maybe I was wrong, and you were actually all jerks. But at least I was under the impression that you guys were good.
I remember you guys loving to share stories with me. I don’t know, you guys might have just done it because I was a new person to laugh at your stories, but it sure was nice for me, too.
Anyways, I just hope that I’d be someone that other people would be able to say was someone who made other people feel like they belonged.
I’ve been there - on the “outside” of a group of friends! I think is IS a form of mob mentality - but on a smaller scale! We all exchange energy so some exchanges blend better than others.
Some people are great with including others - like referring to inside jokes and giving the “outsider” the scoop. I’m probably like most people in that if I don’t feel included, I end up not joining a particular group even if I get along with all of the individuals. I also think it’s fine if I’m not invited to everything - I mean, if groups or subgroups like say, doing tequila shots every Wed, I’m not into that so they can have all their inside jokes about tequila shots that they want.
Well it’s definitely good to know when to keep persisting and when to fold ‘em!
i know! weird. i think it’s cuz sometimes people bring different sides out of you. i can be really tame when i’m around some people, but i can also be pretty ridiculous when i’m with others… do you think people should be exactly the same way no matter who they’re with?
group dynamics are interesting!
That’s true, changing how you act could definitely play a part in all of that. I think that I am wary of people that are different with different groups of people. Somehow I feel like it’s dishonest because they’re showing different faces to different people, often (I think) because they want to impress everyone.
So I guess with that opinion, I do think that people should generally be pretty similar no matter who they’re with. That’s most likely not going to be the case in general, but I still like those kinds of people more than those that modify their behavior to always fit in.
What do you think?
yea, i like consistent people. i feel like i can trust them and who they really are. but at the same time, maybe i’m a hypocrite, cuz i’m pretty sure i act different when i’m with you, kim, and kiki than when i’m with, i dunno, strangers. i need to be more reserved and “normal” when i’m with people that don’t really know me. haha.. at least i try to be normal.
As tiff said, “People bring different sides out of you.” and while you may be war of people who are different with different groups, some people may be dishonest but that doesn’t mean all are. For example, peer pressure - unless you have a strong sense of self, you tend to bow under it, even a little.
There is also the fact that some people make you feel differently about yourself so you behave differently! I was incredibly relaxed and at peace when I was visiting my friends in South Africa - it’s because they love and accept me AS I AM.
I would say that I am fairly consistent with most groups of people and different groups bring out different aspects. Now, I would also be leery if I saw someone behaving quite differently than usual; most people have some core. Some people naturally “mirror” to fit in and it’s less that they seriously change as their mirroring makes others feel more comfortable - they create rapport.
But I do think I know what you mean about feeling distrustful about someone who really changes. That would ring the alarms with me, too!
For the most part I think that I understand when people are slightly different. That definitely happens to most of us. But I’m not too sure if I’m really too excited when I see people that do what you call “mirroring.” That usually makes me not like the person a whole lot. I’m not particularly fond of chameleons. But to each his own. I’m sure that the majority of people like them (or can’t even tell the difference).