Comments on: Oh You’re Wrong, It Manners

By: Murthy Rao

Murthy Rao — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 19:07:27 +0000

I eat fairly regularly with large groups of children who are still in the process of learning table manners & I can say that it truly does make a difference.

By: Derek

Derek — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 02:13:48 +0000

Yeah there definitely is something about leaving DNA where it doesn’t belong that’s pretty gross to us, isn’t there? Although I think that those activities that actually spread germs (like nose picking and nail clippings) are worse than the simply socially off (such as farting and burping).

Do you do any of those things in front of anyone? Family? Friends?

By: Ms. Q

Ms. Q — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 03:05:26 +0000

Well..Chinese certainly seem less embarrassed. Spitting, belching, the deadpan farting. Not to mention the mining for nasal treasure on the trains. Eeewwww. Ditto nail clipping. Too much DNA left on the trains, I’m tellin’ ya.

By: Derek

Derek — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 04:47:55 +0000

Yeah I think that I feel the same way. I have seen the whole Chinese version of manners, but I’m much more comfortable with the American standards. However, I also think that I don’t always think that the Chinese version is unreasonable. So maybe I’m more in between. But in general, I tend to side much more with the American culture.

Toothpicks aren’t too bad, but they do seem pretty gross to me sometimes. Like when people do it with their mouth open and then flick them on the floor after they’re done with it.

In general, I’d tend to think that Chinese people have much less shame about a lot of things compared to Americans.

By: Derek

Derek — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 04:40:47 +0000

Oh that’s interesting to find out that your daughter thinks that you care about it a lot. But I guess that it’s not such a terrible thing to want to pass on to your children. I mean, if a kid is misbehaved, it reflects rather poorly on the parents don’t you think?

By: Ms. Q

Ms. Q — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 04:49:37 +0000

I’m American. I may *understand* the Chinese culture (or if not understand it, know about it) but I’m not so happy to view people chewing with their mouth open, slurping soup, belching, or using earwax spoons on the bus. I use a toothpick after dinner in public, though. I suspect this may be rude, am not quite sure but I’ve seen lots of different people using toothpicks after dinner. I keep my mouth shut if possible. I’m not up for those who bring out their own flosspick things but stuff is between your teeth - kinda annoying.

By: Jill/Twipply Skwood

Jill/Twipply Skwood — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 13:30:54 +0000

I dunno, I don’t think it affects my attitude toward adults all that much. I must have some table manners hang-ups though, because one time in Sunday school when my daughter was asked to list what values I was trying to pass on to her, she listed table manners as one of them! I was so surprised at the time, didn’t realize I was *that* insistent. But maybe it is sort of similar to a value if it means having consideration for the other people. I dunno.

By: Derek

Derek — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 16:29:54 +0000

Your points about Chinese people are so true! In some ways more rude, but in other ways still polite. Oh manners are so tricky sometimes. So do you think that you tend to side more with the American set/ideal of manners or the more traditional Chinese set?

By: Ms. Q

Ms. Q — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 18:26:31 +0000

Yep, manners are a social construct! For example, I’m sure someone new to eating at a Chinese banquet might be aghast. If it’s amongst family members, everyone is dipping in with their chopsticks (the polite use the “top half” of the stick to serve themselves) and then there is the pile of bones and such as people eat.

I’ve also noticed that Chinese are big on slurping their soup. I had no idea until someone mentioned to me I was slurping (it was driving him nuts) and then I became very aware of it. Now I’ll eat with my family and inwardly wince at all the slurping and smacking and teeth sucking.

I’ve managed to let go of some of this fixation but it’s not “rude” to Chinese. Ditto massive amounts of belching. My ABC relatives will say excuse me or cover their mouths but the older “old school” relatives will pause, BELCH and continue. We ABC-ers (American Born Chinese) will widen our eyes, look at each other and then move on.

But I was raised to say please and thank you, to be aware of others and their comfort, to share and take turns. Manners are good social constructs for a given culture. If we didn’t have any type of “rules” we wouldn’t know how to interpret other’s actions or even how to behave.

By: Derek

Derek — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 16:57:09 +0000

Haha I’m glad that there are some basic ground rules. Did you check out my post about children (rooted a little from your comment)? Does being around kids make you more forgiving of adults that are ill-mannered? I’m not sure how it’d affect my attitude towards adults if I ate with kids all of the time.