A Quote For Regret And Rejection
Tagged as: Nov 26Sometimes we have to choose our poison, don’t we? It’s not always blue pill or red pill, sometimes it’s bad and worse. In any case, I feel like I must have heard this quote, but I can’t seem to find its source online. I think that it’s pretty good, what do you think?
Regret is 10 times worse than rejection.
-Derek Wong
For some reason in my head the quote actually is “100 times,” but I think that’s an exaggeration. I’m more comfortable with 10 times. So if nobody has made this quote, and I actually did make up this quote then that’s just fine with me. And if someone did say this, let me know so that I can give due credit.
I’d venture to guess that many people choose regret simply because it is the easier of the two. Rejection is a pain that we all know and despise. It hurts us upfront and in the short term quite a lot. On the other hand regret takes some time to fester and build up its power. And it’s a longer term pain to boot. No thanks.
Neither one is a good choice! Both can hurt forever and a day.
That’s true, they can both hurt. That’s actually pretty undeniable. The thing is there are many times where we have to run the risk of one in order to avoid the other. Namely risking rejection in order to avoid regret. It’s rather like the baseball analogy of it being better to go down swinging where you have some hand in your failure, wouldn’t you say?
I love your comment about running the risk of one to avoid the other. It’s true. I’d rather be rejected than regret and I have certainly been rejected!
But ya know, I don’t regret. I believe that life is about looking forward. We may look at the past to learn from it but let’s not live there. Are there things that I wish I had done differently? Yeah. But I know that I couldn’t have. I wasn’t ready.
There is truth to “Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”
I’m working my way to being more courageous about taking risks. Something along the lines of “Better to have lived and made mistakes than to have hid and played it safe.”
That’s pretty good that you don’t regret. I must admit that even though I try not to, it’s very difficult to not regret sometimes.
Yeah I like that saying about it being better to have loved, but it’s not the easiest thing to accomplish all of the time. Wouldn’t you agree?
Your new motto kind of rhymes. That’s always helpful.
Yeah,it’s not always easy to live in the present. I don’t consciously try to forget the past but I certainly don’t consciously remember it. I do know people who dredge up either some really ideal time from the past or some awful time. Neither is a good way to live.
It IS difficult to have loved and lost. I’ve loved and have lost and it’s not the most fun. Overall, I am glad to have loved. I would not give it up to be afraid. I can’t say what pain is worse – love and rejection and no love at all? I dunno.
In the big scheme of things I would like to know that I am capable of loving. I feel that while I have loved, I have not FULLY loved.
I have experienced heartbreak. Again, not the most fun. But I have also had someone love me when I did not return that love and it’s something to know both sides of that story.
How about you? Have you loved and lost or even loved and “won”?
I’d agree that it’s pretty bad when people always try to live in the past. I always think as they’re talking that they should probably try much harder to live in the present. It’s an easy thing for people to do as they grow older. They look back with rose-colored glasses and decreasing understanding of the time that they live in.
How do you define “FULLY loved”?
I agree that it’s very easy to feel the pain when you’re the one experiencing unrequited love, but it’s also interesting to see how it is when you just don’t reciprocate someone else’s love. Which experience do you think you learned more from?
I would say that I’ve experienced more of the unrequited love and the hurt associated with it rather than having won at the game of love. That’s rather unfortunate I suppose, but I have plenty of time to have another go.
hi derek
you changed the look on your blog!
Yeah you can see the post where I first did it at http://www.goingthewongway.com/2007/11/01/extra-extra-check-out-the-new-theme/. I guess someone isn’t reading too often!
How do I define fully loved? I just feel that I’ve held back a bit of myself, that I never fully “give in” to the love. It’s difficult to define but I do keep myself protected.
Regarding your question about what have I learned more from: being rejected or rejecting someone? I have learned more from being rejected. Loving someone and being rejected – it hurts. I thought the pain from my first heartbreak would never end … but it did. It was good to learn that I could survive, that such pain would end. Some people might use the pain of their first heartbreak to never love again but in my case I knew that I would survive.
When it comes to rejecting someone else? It’s not nearly as painful to be on that side but I did learn that it’s not easy to reject someone and sometimes you really have to let them go – not remain friends because being friends would cost them.
I’ve had a few boyfriends and many long term (2-5 years) but they all ended and I experienced varying degrees of pain.
Based on your experience are you still hopeful or more cautious about finding love?
Yeah I would definitely agree that rejection is more of a learning opportunity, just as other failures are more so than triumphant ones.
It’s admirable that you found a resilient spirit within you after your first heartbreak.
I think that it can be very hard to reject someone if you know what it feels like to be rejected as well as if you really do care about the other person (but obviously not romantically).
Based on my experience, I think that I’m pretty cautious right now. I mean, I guess that I am also very hopeful. They actually seem like they can (and do) co-exist. Thankfully I am not under any undue pressure or stress over the whole matter.
Generally I would agree with you all that rejection pain is better than regret. But I can think of at least one long term love affair/marriage where my most appropriate heartfelt response would be “I wish I’d never met you.” because the pain she caused me was and still is excruciating… and it’s been there for a very long time now.
That’s a good point. I guess that I can chalk that up to the fact that I’m speaking from this side of the marriage fence, huh?