Get My Name Right
Tagged as: Jan 30I know what it feels like to be unknown, and I don’t like it. I’m talking about people getting my name wrong.
Generally I actually do think that I’m a bit forgettable. That might sound sad, but it’s the truth. I don’t make terribly flattering first impressions. That’s just how it has been. It’s gotten better, I think, as I’ve grown into my skin, but it’s probably fairly true still.
Courtesy of flickr user Oxygen
Names are our unique key to life. It has a bit of our heritage in our surname, and it is the first gift that we are given. It’s a marking that we will have for our lifetime (that is unless we legally change it at some point). And it’s how we are known. Life would be different if we had a different name.
Considering all of this, it’s not exactly pleasant when someone forgets your name. It makes you feel (and probably accurately so) that you’re not important enough to be remembered by the one who forgot. Nobody likes to be reminded of how unimportant they are. Everyone wants to be special and being known is just the first step.
There have been a few instances where I’ve noticed this occurring to me. Thankfully it’s not exactly stuff that’s affected me, but it’s still noteworthy because I’m sure that there are many out there who wouldn’t take kindly to this happening to them.
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At work we had a going away brunch for someone, and people from all different departments were there. As I was standing there, someone was loudly saying someone else’s name and looking at me. Now usually, it is a very bad idea to respond to these greetings in your direction that might not necessarily be for you. You know the wave from strangers who are actually waving to the guy right behind you. That kind of thing. In any case, I was not responding to this girl because I figured she must have been trying to get someone else’s attention. She eventually turns to her friend and says, “He’s not responding to me, I guess.” Then she gets even closer to me and says this other guy’s name.
Granted I was sideways so she only had a profile view. I turned to her, and I said that I was not who she thought I was. She realized her mistake and fell silent. That’s right, lady. You’re wrong.
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The same day as the first example, I was walking by someone’s desk, and he said, “What’s up, —–?” This other name was another Asian guy in our department. I knew that he was talking to me because nobody else was around, and I said, “It’s Derek, not ——.”
The bad thing is that he does know the difference between us. We traveled for quite a few days together! And we work in the same department! This one was probably a more honest slip of the tongue, but I still thought it pretty amusing considering that it was the same day. To exacerbate the matter, the same guy cc’d me on an e-mail and spelled my name Derrick. And we’ve been working together for about 15 months. Lovely, just lovely.
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So another instance where forgetting a name can be bad is if you remember the other person’s name, and they do not remember your name. Bad beans. If you both forget, it’s acceptable. But if you both do not, all is not right.
So I recently went to a fellowship group again after not going for a couple of months. I remembered a few of the people’s name because of talking to them or because I secretly actually knew stuff about them. Haha creepy as that might sound, it was more like an “I know that they asked my friend out, but they don’t me” kind of deal. In any case, it was no good for me to remember their names since they forgot mine. Boo hoo.
So basically we all need to learn these things:
- We need better memories
- All Asians do not look alike
- Get more confidence so you don’t care if people forget your name because you’re above that
- Don’t respond to women who are yelling, no good can ever come of it
so i read this and immediately thought of this youtube video my coworker sent me. i couldn’t find it though. but, once i do, i’ll send it over!
Yes indeed, you will have to share that one. What is the YouTube video about?
my grandmother can’t spell my name correctly & i’ve known her for 26 years. i’m not offended, i find it hilarious. she tends to use 2 ‘r’s and 2 ’s’s or 2 ‘r’s and 1 ’s’… oh well, at least she remembers my birthday.
True but your grandmother is not a strapping lad of 30ish who can see my name on my cubicle placard, e-mail signature, etc.
And I’m pretty sure he doesn’t remember my birthday. At least he remembers my name.
People misspell my name regularly. They’ll even email me and get it wrong – and my email address is my first name combined with my last name!
Yeesh. One person I know has known me for YEARS and I’ve corrected him for YEARS and when I finally said to myself, “Well..whatever…” He got it right!
You don’t make a terribly flattering first impression? Huh. How did you figure that out? Was it just your impression or did people later tell you…gee, you were such a dud the first time I met you.. Or are you saying you’re just flat – so it’s not a BAD first impression, rather no impression at all?
When you write you have grown into your own skin, does that mean you are more confident?
Yes, names are our unique key to life. I am glad that my name matches me and matches me very well. I have met a few people in my life who I thought, “Huh, their name doesn’t match them” and then I learn that they don’t like their first name! I’ve been trying to figure out a new name for this one woman I know. I thought her name didn’t match her AT ALL and she later told me she hates her name and is thinking of changing it. I didn’t tell I thought her name was a mismatch until after she told me herself.
ANYway, I agree – life would be different if we had a different name.
I know quite a few people who are bad at recalling names and I don’t get all that upset about people not recalling my name. This may be due to the fact that I end up meeting new people on a regular basis and have gotten used to making people feel comfortable – so I reintroduce myself or say my name again so they don’t have to be embarrassed at not remembering. Like I said, it’s not a big deal.
I am actually pretty good at remembering names. Along with odd facts about people. I’m one of those types that will say, “Oh yeah, how is your dog doing? You mentioned he had an ear infection..” and maybe I met them for the first time 2 months earlier and hadn’t seen them since. I dunno where I’m storing this stuff.
I know that many people, like yourself, feel badly when their names aren’t remembered so I go out of my way to recall their names as well as how they preferred to be called. For example, a man in introduced to me as “Robert Smith” and I ask him if it’s “Robert” or “Bob” or whatever. If the person has a name with multiple spellings I may ask that like one time someone said, “This is Mark” and I asked, ‘Mark with a ‘k’ or with a ‘c’” and he replied , “With a ‘c’”
I don’t always do this. “Derek” is more common to me than “Derrick” so if we met I might has skipped that!
I also use mnemonics to recall names or associate an image with a person. I admit I have big time problems with Indian names – it’s like my mind has nothing to latch on to. I do try though! I always wonder at how people feel with some name like Rhamdaphrensihsavsky and they have to say, “Call me Jack.”
I think people might recall names better if they realized how great a skill it is to have – it certainly makes you more likeable! I know I’m flattered if someone recalls my name and they met me once several weeks ago!
One trick to get people to remember your name is in how your introduce yourself – like, “Hi, I’m Derek Wong – the 2nd most common Chinese last name – the first being CHAN.”
Maybe not the best example but I’m sure you’ll come up with something…
All Asians don’t look alike? Huh. I don’t look like any other Chinese woman (except an aunt but she’s related) that I’ve seen but I’ve been told a few times I look “just like…”
That’s pretty amusing that people can get your name wrong when it’s even in the address that they’re sending it to!
I don’t think that it’s too big of a deal when people get my name wrong. But it was just monumental that it was happening so often in a short span of time that I had to write about it.
Well partly my opinion that I don’t leave a great first impression is both from my own knowledge of myself (I’m not as talkative, I need to warm up before I get more free) as well as my knowledge of what others have said (that they weren’t too impressed with me when they first met me). I’d have to say that it’s not really a bad impression, it’s more of a lack of impression. Thanks for that clarification because they are drastically different things.
Yeah I definitely think that I’ve grown more confident! It’s been a good thing, that’s for sure. Granted, I am continually learning about myself, but I think that these past 5 or 10 years have been especially drastic in terms of who I’ve become. That might have a part in why it’s difficult for me to figure myself out (i.e. the personality test).
You’re pretty accurate in saying that it’s not too big of a deal when names are forgotten. It’s actually probably pretty well understood that it will happen. I don’t think that I necessarily took offense at others getting my name wrong so much as I found the whole series of events amusing.
Those are some good hints to help with remembering names! My tip is to repeat the name right after they say it.
By mentioning the long names, that reminds me of something. I actually really like learning people’s middle names! Sometimes they’re more difficult to pronounce, but I feel like it lets me know a part of them that not everyone might necessarily know. And I enjoy that very much.
When someone remembers your name, it does make you feel like you have some sort of connection with that person. And it’s especially impressive when you’d expect them to not remember. That makes you feel special. The worst is when you expect them to remember, and they do not. Even though it’s probably a lot about how you go into the encounter, it’s just unavoidable that there are some people you’d expect to know these things.
Hm using an interesting line to introduce myself would make them remember me, but in all honest I don’t mind if they forget. I think that it makes it that more special when they remember (like they actually found some reason to remember besides a memorable line).
In reference to all Asians not looking alike, I suppose that I didn’t mention that I’m about 6′ and 180 lbs and the other Asian that my co-worker called me by is about 5′ 7″ and 210 lbs(??). He also has facial hair while I do not. In short, we look nothing alike AT ALL.
Also, that was probably the longest comment I’ve ever seen. It was probably longer than my original post! I’m glad that you had so many thoughts to share, though!
lol, you crack me up, derek. “that’s right, lady. you’re wrong.” hahaha..