Oh You’re Wrong, It Manners
Tagged as: Jun 11Ever eat or hang out with someone who has bad manners? Ever even notice?
I have, and I’m sure that I will. But really I wonder about myself sometimes. That is, I will often wonder whether I am that person. Am I the one eating too much? Am I the one who acts like a slob? Am I the one doing something that everyone else talks about behind my back?
Yes manners are a social construct that simply ensures that there are people who can look down on others that don’t know the rules. As if life is a big game where someone always has to win. So on the one hand I don’t want to mind them because there is no absolute reality to it.
But on the other hand, while I am a part of society, society is also a part of me. I’ve seen people without manners, and let me tell you, it isn’t a pretty sight.
So I’ll do what I can and hope that I am not ever that guy.
don’t worry, we always talk behind your back without you knowing it. haha, j/k
so random, but i was just watching a video of kim’s birthday at lazy dog cafe when we were singing happy birthday…well, YOU were singing happy birthday super loud. i guess that doesn’t count as manners, huh?
i laughed when i read this comment. it sounded so familiar. x]
Haha at least I’m consistent right?
HA I don’t know if you’re kidding…
That was an amusing time of singing. Hm I guess that was a little bit obnoxious and ill-mannered. Oh well! It was for a good cause!
I want to see the video! Sometime anyways.
The wisest thing to do is to remain natural, I guess.
I wouldn’t care too much if anyone talking behind my back anyway…
So, did you see the movie No Country for Old Men? As he talks about the sorry state of our society, Tommy Lee Jones has a line that goes something like, “Once the ’sir’ and ‘ma’am’ are gone, the rest is soon to follow.” You’re right. Manners make a huge difference, and I hope you aren’t “that guy!”
You know, I haven’t seen that movie. But I’ve heard that it’s a good one!
That line is definitely interesting and something to think about. I take it that you’re a pretty big fan of manners then? I don’t often say “sir” and “ma’am”. Is that still something that you hear a lot? I can picture it a lot more from over there in Texas!
I eat fairly regularly with large groups of children who are still in the process of learning table manners & I can say that it truly does make a difference. :-0 :-0 :-0 At least to me, it’s just more appetizing to eat with someone who chews with his or her mouth shut.
Ah children are so amusing. In them, we get to see humans without the influence of the years living in society. Sometimes that makes for funny moments. And sometimes it makes for slightly disgusting moments!
How much do you enforce manners with people around you?
The finer points are hard to enforce a whole heck of a lot when two teachers are eating with 15 four year olds, but staying seated while eating and not touching or eating the food off anyone else’s place are non-negotiable. The rest we sort of just teach what we can. It’ll take eventually. Maybe.
Haha I’m glad that there are some basic ground rules. Did you check out my post about children (rooted a little from your comment)? Does being around kids make you more forgiving of adults that are ill-mannered? I’m not sure how it’d affect my attitude towards adults if I ate with kids all of the time.
[...] friend Derek Wong at Going The Wong Way thinks that “manners are a social construct that simply ensures that there are people who can [...]
[...] Jill/Twipply Skwood: I eat fairly regularly with large… [...]
Yep, manners are a social construct! For example, I’m sure someone new to eating at a Chinese banquet might be aghast. If it’s amongst family members, everyone is dipping in with their chopsticks (the polite use the “top half” of the stick to serve themselves) and then there is the pile of bones and such as people eat.
I’ve also noticed that Chinese are big on slurping their soup. I had no idea until someone mentioned to me I was slurping (it was driving him nuts) and then I became very aware of it. Now I’ll eat with my family and inwardly wince at all the slurping and smacking and teeth sucking.
I’ve managed to let go of some of this fixation but it’s not “rude” to Chinese. Ditto massive amounts of belching. My ABC relatives will say excuse me or cover their mouths but the older “old school” relatives will pause, BELCH and continue. We ABC-ers (American Born Chinese) will widen our eyes, look at each other and then move on.
But I was raised to say please and thank you, to be aware of others and their comfort, to share and take turns. Manners are good social constructs for a given culture. If we didn’t have any type of “rules” we wouldn’t know how to interpret other’s actions or even how to behave.
Your points about Chinese people are so true! In some ways more rude, but in other ways still polite. Oh manners are so tricky sometimes. So do you think that you tend to side more with the American set/ideal of manners or the more traditional Chinese set?
I’m American. I may *understand* the Chinese culture (or if not understand it, know about it) but I’m not so happy to view people chewing with their mouth open, slurping soup, belching, or using earwax spoons on the bus. I use a toothpick after dinner in public, though. I suspect this may be rude, am not quite sure but I’ve seen lots of different people using toothpicks after dinner. I keep my mouth shut if possible. I’m not up for those who bring out their own flosspick things but stuff is between your teeth – kinda annoying.
Yeah I think that I feel the same way. I have seen the whole Chinese version of manners, but I’m much more comfortable with the American standards. However, I also think that I don’t always think that the Chinese version is unreasonable. So maybe I’m more in between. But in general, I tend to side much more with the American culture.
Toothpicks aren’t too bad, but they do seem pretty gross to me sometimes. Like when people do it with their mouth open and then flick them on the floor after they’re done with it.
In general, I’d tend to think that Chinese people have much less shame about a lot of things compared to Americans.
I eat fairly regularly with large groups of children who are still in the process of learning table manners & I can say that it truly does make a difference.
I dunno, I don’t think it affects my attitude toward adults all that much. I must have some table manners hang-ups though, because one time in Sunday school when my daughter was asked to list what values I was trying to pass on to her, she listed table manners as one of them! I was so surprised at the time, didn’t realize I was *that* insistent. But maybe it is sort of similar to a value if it means having consideration for the other people. I dunno.
Oh that’s interesting to find out that your daughter thinks that you care about it a lot. But I guess that it’s not such a terrible thing to want to pass on to your children. I mean, if a kid is misbehaved, it reflects rather poorly on the parents don’t you think?
Well..Chinese certainly seem less embarrassed. Spitting, belching, the deadpan farting. Not to mention the mining for nasal treasure on the trains. Eeewwww. Ditto nail clipping. Too much DNA left on the trains, I’m tellin’ ya.
Yeah there definitely is something about leaving DNA where it doesn’t belong that’s pretty gross to us, isn’t there? Although I think that those activities that actually spread germs (like nose picking and nail clippings) are worse than the simply socially off (such as farting and burping).
Do you do any of those things in front of anyone? Family? Friends?