Fortune Cookies Suck
Tagged as: Apr 07Beware the fortune cookie that says
Your luck is just not there. Attend to practical matters today.
Beware the fortune cookie that says
Your luck is just not there. Attend to practical matters today.
As part of Harry Potter-mania, Jelly Belly held a special promotion of Bertie Bott’s Jelly Beans. My co-worker brought some a couple of bags of them in to work recently and we got the special privilege of getting to try them.
These are a special release and as such they have special flavors. Everything from grass to pickle to black pepper and booger. However, none of that can compare to a couple of the ones that I tried.
I’d like to think that I’m willing to try many things. I have no desire to try everything once, mind you. I have no desire to try things that might necessarily place my life/freedom/health in jeopardy. But I still fancy myself a bit adventurous, and I’d like to think that I’m willing to try many things.
So I tried some especially fun flavors such as vomit and sardine. However, by and far the worst flavor that I tried was rotten egg. Rotten egg. Who thinks of such things?
So my co-workers and I were trying different flavors in the mindset of doing them together. Nobody likes to things alone, and just as I wrote in I’m Willing If You Are doing things side by side with another peson is an effective psychological tool. So after taking turns at trying different flavors and meeting with relative disgust, we decided to all try the rotten egg flavored jelly bean at once. We each picked out jelly beans according to the guide, but when we tried it we all discovered that we had in fact chosen the much better lemon drop flavor. Then I decided that I only live an earthly life once, so I still tried it even while my co-workers tried other things. And as I slowly chewed and let the saliva transmit the flavor to my taste buds, I began to become quite disgusted. The flavor and the stench conspired to cause me to gag. I coughed a few times, and I must say that I really felt a couple of moments of almost wanting to puke. It was so gross. It’s amusing that it was in fact grosser than the vomit taste itself.
Other thoughts:
Here’s what you should do when you’re driving.
So follow these simple steps and you’ll quickly be going the wrong way. However, if you’d rather be going the Wong way, use your head and don’t do any of them!
Thanks, Ms. Q for the idea. If it goes well (people enjoy it), I’m sure that I will come up with more. So let me know what you think of it.
I was never one for pro con lists. But maybe I’ll start. Here is one for the season that is summer. And one caveat to this post is that must know that I live in sunny southern California, so if you live in some forsaken place then you’ll just have to wish it were different for you. Or you can bask in the cons that I experience and enjoy your freezing cold. Just know this: I wouldn’t trade places with you at all.
Pro:The sun gives us vitamin D which is needed for, among other things, calcium to be absorbed and used. It also gives you a nice healthy looking glow.
Con:The sun causes skin cancer. It also causes wrinkles.
Pro:Can make use of those expensive sunglasses.
Con:The reflection off of objects is sometimes glaring, especially if we forget to bring those expensive sunglasses.
Pro:Have more sunlight to play with (or in).
Con:Having nobody to play with.
Pro:Summer love.
Con:Not having anyone to love. Or more likely, having nobody to love you back.
Pro:Sitting out, enjoying a nice drink on the proverbial porch.
Con:The stupid bugs that will eat you alive.
Pro:Vacations to far off places.
Con:Not having any vacation time. Or having no job and plenty of “vacation time,” but obviously having no money to vacation with.
Pro:Cruising in your car, looking cool.
Con:Not having had any rain for a long time, so your car is dirty. Your speakers are not loud enough to make anyone glance again. Your car is laughably unimpressive. You look like a fool.
Photo courtesy of flickr user Storm Crypt and used according to a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.0 license.
So I was reading PC Magazine (we got it free for some reason), and I saw this little side article that I thought was pretty amusing. It had a list of AIM acronyms that are not all too commonly used taken from America Online, 2007. Now most people nowadays know of things like LOL (laugh out loud), BRB (be right back), and TTYL (talk to you later). But those are maybe just the originals and can’t necessarily say exactly what you want. Or maybe they’re so overused that they’re boring. In any case, if you already knew any of the following, you have been online far too much. You need to get your pale self outside and greet the sun more often.
Personally I’m a fan of WYGOWM and BTDTGTTSAWIO. Maybe you can find an occasion to use them. ADAD is amusing just because the saying is amusing. If I ever encountered acronyms like this online, I would be totally confused.