Group Friendship

Tagged as: Life, Relationships May 15

When I think of friendship, I initially think of a relationship between one person and another. They can be all sorts of combination of guys and girls (okay so really there are only 4 combinations if there are 2 people involved). But have you noticed how different everything is when a group is involved?

Imagine, if you will, going into a situation where you’re trying to get in with a whole group of people. Individually you are able to interact pretty well with them. Conversation is pretty easy, common ground is found, life is good.

But as a whole when you’re with them things are not well. You are left standing there thinking, “What am I doing here?” You don’t follow their inside jokes. And you definitely haven’t known them for as long as they have known each other.

Why the difference? It seems strange to me to be able to be friends with them individually but have trouble with them when they are all a group. But it happens. Related to mob mentality? Who knows, you got me.

The Real Better Half

Tagged as: Relationships May 07

Have you heard people talk about their spouse as “their better half”? It’s an interesting (and kind) thing to say. Often it’s the guy talking about his wife, but not always so. It’s slightly demeaning towards the “lesser half” (often self-deprecating since that person will say it about themselves) but that’s supposed to be hidden by the elevation of the spouse.

So my question is, how can both of them be the better half? I really don’t think that can be the case. I had a talk quite sometime back about this. We talked about different couples that we know, and sad as it was we realized that we could usually think of one person in the relationship who was a better catch. We weren’t trying to be mean (at least I don’t remember that being the intention, I think it was just a commentary on things that we saw). Still, it’s an interesting thought huh?

Think of a couple, and I’d hazard a guess that you could think that one of them is a bit of a better catch than the other. Now why this might be will obviously change from case to case.

Why did I write this? I don’t know, I just thought about it all of a sudden. And I thought it was an interesting thought. Don’t read into it too much or your head will hurt. And nobody likes headaches. Nobody. But do appreciate your other half for what who they are!

Age - It’s Just A Number

Tagged as: Rant, Relationships, Seen-Around Mar 26

We, as people, have a love/hate relationship with one of the things that is constantly changing: our age. Sometimes we want to get older, and sometimes we will do everything that we can to reduce it. But we really have no control over it, do we?

It seems as if all of this starts early in life. As we are going through the different grades in school, there is a marked distinction between students who are in different grades. Granted, this is all rather necessary because children generally mature and progress according to how old they are. So it makes sense in that situation. But the lasting influence seems to be that we feel comfortable with just people our own age.

Relationships

This effect can often be seen in the arena of relationships. Why is it that many of my friends who are girls will not even think about dating a younger guy? Is it because younger guys is not be great and worthy of her? Is it because they (the girls) are somehow more mature because they are a couple of years (sometimes a couple of months) older? I doubt it. Why do my guy friends only look for girls that are younger than them? And why is there a floor limit such that they won’t even consider girls younger than their specified age? There are a lot of questions, and there aren’t that many answers. All I know is that it all doesn’t make much sense. People limit themselves by not looking for the things that really matter, the essence and characteristics of a person. Then they complain that they can’t find anyone. And that’s just not right, is it?

Social Aspects

People age. That’s the truth. And it seems like as that happens the reality of death is more apparent. The chances become greater (on any particular day since the actual chances that you will die are 100%), and that seems to have lend itself to the general notion that young is better. Even more than that unspoken tendency is that socially we have come to praise the young as vibrant and beautiful.

On the other hand, people who are getting older can always attest that they are getting wiser. It’s true, they should be getting wiser anyways. They just have more experience, and those with experience know that it counts. Of course, those who lack it do not think that it counts for very much. I know, I’ve been/am still there.

Conclusion

But I say that it’s so much more important to be young at heart. Of people that I’ve met, young and old, I find myself consistently being convinced that being young at heart is truly the way that I want to go. I don’t want to lose the awe of a child looking at the huge expanse of the night sky or discovering something for the first time. No amount of time or social constructs can take that away. Whatever you do, don’t be proud of your age sheerly because of your age. That would make you Proud Of Nothing, wouldn’t it?

So really there are 2 ways that you can deal with age:

1. Wine - get tastier and more valuable with age
2. Cheese - get moldy!

Haha I know, I’m just good at making up strikingly accurate analogies. You don’t need to tell me twice. No really, you don’t.

Get My Name Right

Tagged as: Life, Rant, Relationships Jan 30

I know what it feels like to be unknown, and I don’t like it. I’m talking about people getting my name wrong.

Generally I actually do think that I’m a bit forgettable. That might sound sad, but it’s the truth. I don’t make terribly flattering first impressions. That’s just how it has been. It’s gotten better, I think, as I’ve grown into my skin, but it’s probably fairly true still.

Names are our unique key to life. It has a bit of our heritage in our surname, and it is the first gift that we are given. It’s a marking that we will have for our lifetime (that is unless we legally change it at some point). And it’s how we are known. Life would be different if we had a different name.

Considering all of this, it’s not exactly pleasant when someone forgets your name. It makes you feel (and probably accurately so) that you’re not important enough to be remembered by the one who forgot. Nobody likes to be reminded of how unimportant they are. Everyone wants to be special and being known is just the first step.

There have been a few instances where I’ve noticed this occurring to me. Thankfully it’s not exactly stuff that’s affected me, but it’s still noteworthy because I’m sure that there are many out there who wouldn’t take kindly to this happening to them.

1. At work we had a going away brunch for someone, and people from all different departments were there. As I was standing there, someone was loudly saying someone else’s name and looking at me. Now usually, it is a very bad idea to respond to these greetings in your direction that might not necessarily be for you. You know the wave from strangers who are actually waving to the guy right behind you. That kind of thing. In any case, I was not responding to this girl because I figured she must have been trying to get someone else’s attention. She eventually turns to her friend and says, “He’s not responding to me, I guess.” Then she gets even closer to me and says this other guy’s name.

   Granted I was sideways so she only had a profile view. I turned to her, and I said that I was not who she thought I was. She realized her mistake and fell silent. That’s right, lady. You’re wrong.

2. The same day as the first example, I was walking by someone’s desk, and he said, “What’s up, —–?” This other name was another Asian guy in our department. I knew that he was talking to me because nobody else was around, and I said, “It’s Derek, not ——.”

   The bad thing is that he does know the difference between us. We traveled for quite a few days together! And we work in the same department! This one was probably a more honest slip of the tongue, but I still thought it pretty amusing considering that it was the same day. To exacerbate the matter, the same guy cc’d me on an e-mail and spelled my name Derrick. And we’ve been working together for about 15 months. Lovely, just lovely.

3. So another instance where forgetting a name can be bad is if you remember the other person’s name, and they do not remember your name. Bad beans. If you both forget, it’s acceptable. But if you both do not, all is not right.

   So I recently went to a fellowship group again after not going for a couple of months. I remembered a few of the people’s name because of talking to them or because I secretly actually knew stuff about them. Haha creepy as that might sound, it was more like an “I know that they asked my friend out, but they don’t me” kind of deal. In any case, it was no good for me to remember their names since they forgot mine. Boo hoo.

So basically we all need to learn these things:

• We need better memories
• All Asians do not look alike
• Get more confidence so you don’t care if people forget your name because you’re above that
• Don’t respond to women who are yelling, no good can ever come of it

Figured Out My Personality Type?

Tagged as: Life, Relationships Jan 23

I think that personality types, a much discussed topic, are definitely interesting. However, I’ve never known what I am.

In regards to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (and slightly the Keirsey Temperament Test), I never knew which of the 16 types I was.

As a sample, I could never even definitively decide whether I was an introvert or an extrovert. I think that the trouble comes because I have an opinion of myself since I am always with myself, but others might see a version of me that is different than the full picture. Suffice to say, since it’s hard for me to get by the very first step, I could never fully complete the puzzle of my personality.

But perhaps that has changed!

Now whether this is just applicable to me now or whether it’s categorically applicable to me, I do not know. All I know is that I felt like I was reading about myself while I examined the description.

In short, I believe that I am an:

INTP